god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
