My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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