is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
