I puked a lego.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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