As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
