Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
