Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
