dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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