So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
