She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
