Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
