Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
