I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
