Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
