sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
