dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
