Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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