C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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