evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
