i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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