I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
