Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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