I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
this is an emotional support booty call
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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