the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
