Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Two words: nipple clamps
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