Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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