Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
