ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
