I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
