just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
