From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
