When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
