This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
