remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
