I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
