im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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