you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have fence marks all over my body
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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