It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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