my mouth tastes like poor choices
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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