I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
