I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
