I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
