how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize