Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
