And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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