Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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