i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
