I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
