I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
