She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
