I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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