You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
