it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
