Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
