My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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