it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
