I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
