I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
