you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
