remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
