I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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