I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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