Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
