You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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