Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
