Porn is love you can see.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
