the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
