margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
