Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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