Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
