I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
