Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize