Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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