he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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