i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize