there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
