I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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