So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
