last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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