If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
