I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
