How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
