Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
