My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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