i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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