I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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