Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
