My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize