Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
