There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
